Funny I am back to this space. I try so hard to seek new places to hide. But I am always tracked down and social ettiques taught me to stop hiding. Even so, I am still fighting for a tiny outlet to breathe.
I cried when the truth was before my eyes, literally. It was crystal clear I couldn't hide. I stared at it and it stared back at me. I willed it to go away, to be anything but what I think it is, even though it was nothing but what it is. Those tears caught me by surprise, just a little. After all, I learnt about it before I saw the "supporting evidence". It was like a delayed response. No matter how upset I was, I wasn't able to reveal my feelings first hand, so I guess this accumulation of feelings erupted eventually.
I always thought I have already mastered the highest level of indifference and that there is no longer anything that can make me sad. Well, there are always surprises in life. And, I think I have gone up one more level! Because there is no more sadness in me. Maybe just a twinge of regret, a wisp of disappointment, a pinch of anger, and maybe stupidly, a glimpse of hope. But all in all, it is like a lesson for me. Different rules govern different individuals, when others did something that falls outside our expectation circle, there is no one to blame. We can't play the same game with 2 different set of rules, so we must compromise. For me, I don't mind changing my rules all the time. If that is the only way to continue the game and I know I want to keep playing.
So I am gonna bend my rules. I don't care what others think about me and I wish people who judge others will just keep comments to themselves. It is sad that when I am saying this a face pop up in my mind, but I can't help it!
Can an indifferent person be stupid?
'Cause that is what I think I am.
I cried when the truth was before my eyes, literally. It was crystal clear I couldn't hide. I stared at it and it stared back at me. I willed it to go away, to be anything but what I think it is, even though it was nothing but what it is. Those tears caught me by surprise, just a little. After all, I learnt about it before I saw the "supporting evidence". It was like a delayed response. No matter how upset I was, I wasn't able to reveal my feelings first hand, so I guess this accumulation of feelings erupted eventually.
I always thought I have already mastered the highest level of indifference and that there is no longer anything that can make me sad. Well, there are always surprises in life. And, I think I have gone up one more level! Because there is no more sadness in me. Maybe just a twinge of regret, a wisp of disappointment, a pinch of anger, and maybe stupidly, a glimpse of hope. But all in all, it is like a lesson for me. Different rules govern different individuals, when others did something that falls outside our expectation circle, there is no one to blame. We can't play the same game with 2 different set of rules, so we must compromise. For me, I don't mind changing my rules all the time. If that is the only way to continue the game and I know I want to keep playing.
So I am gonna bend my rules. I don't care what others think about me and I wish people who judge others will just keep comments to themselves. It is sad that when I am saying this a face pop up in my mind, but I can't help it!
Can an indifferent person be stupid?
'Cause that is what I think I am.
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giddy

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